Well, it's been a month since seeing the RE and doing all the blood tests. It's been a very busy month. My dad's been in and out of the hospital 3 times, I had surgery, and everyone's attempting to get ready for Christmas. Do you know how difficult it is to start healthy eating habits right in the middle of the holiday season? VERY DIFFICULT!
The good news: From Nov. 18th (this will be the date I use as the start of this lifestyle change) until Dec. 20th, I lost 9lbs! I can hardly even believe that. I am only 2lbs away from reaching my first goal (which is to get below the big 3...you know...300lbs).
I feel like I'm settling in to this lifestyle change. I am not focusing on all the food I can't have anymore. It's like I think I broke the worst of the addiction/habit of fast food. I know when I do go (I have kids....of course we're going on occasion)...I'm going to get a salad and use a touch of dressing. I know it's not as healthy as eating at home...but still way better choices than what I had been accustomed to.
I finally went to the regular endocrinologist. He came highly recommended. I'm not sure I liked him. He was not warm and fuzzy...he was matter-of-fact. I guess I wish he'd have been a little more comforting. He basically said that since I failed the GTT (glucose tolerance test), that I was diabetic. Here I thought that since I barely failed it, maybe I wouldn't get the official diagnosis. He didn't really go into a lot of info about glucose testing or anything. He did however, put me on a drug called Victoza. I'm not sure I understand what it does...but it's supposed to help me lose weight. We'll see. I have my concerns because I've heard that there are some unknowns about this drug. It's fairly new and I've read that it's not usually a drug for initial diabetes treatment.
I guess the good news in all of this is...that 1. I don't think I've been diabetic that long (some people can go for years and never know they have it..and during this time bad things are happening to their bodies). and 2. I'm motivated to lose weight and get healthy.
As for the surgery (I know you didn't miss that up there in the first paragraph)...all went well. Biopsy results were normal, I feel good, and hopefully the issues I was having will not return.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
So what have I been eating since my adventure started.
I can answer this question with one word: FOOD!
ok, ok, ok....more specifically?
My day usually goes like this: In red, I will put what I would eat prior to "the change"
breakfast: 1/2c. oatmeal with equal, cinnamon, and a tiny handful of raisins (I don't measure..maybe like a tablespoon) No breakfast.
snack: banana usually No snack...or maybe a handful of m&ms or coffee cake if I stopped by mom and dads.
lunch: green salad with a touch of dressing and a baked chicken breast with a touch of salt fast food of some kind...McDonalds. If not, then maybe some CheeseIts or pasta.
snack: On work days it's a fruit and nut granola bar. On non-work days, I don't usually snack. Usually no snack.
dinner: steamed veggies, baked potato (no butter or sour cream, usually a tiny bit of something for flavor), protein (chicken, ground beef, turkey...it varies). Lots of whatever we were having: spaghetti, burgers, all slathered in cheese, dressing, sour cream and whatever other condiments I could find.
snack: sunflower seeds M&Ms, brownies, chips, cookies...whatever junk we had.
ok, ok, ok....more specifically?
My day usually goes like this: In red, I will put what I would eat prior to "the change"
breakfast: 1/2c. oatmeal with equal, cinnamon, and a tiny handful of raisins (I don't measure..maybe like a tablespoon) No breakfast.
snack: banana usually No snack...or maybe a handful of m&ms or coffee cake if I stopped by mom and dads.
lunch: green salad with a touch of dressing and a baked chicken breast with a touch of salt fast food of some kind...McDonalds. If not, then maybe some CheeseIts or pasta.
snack: On work days it's a fruit and nut granola bar. On non-work days, I don't usually snack. Usually no snack.
dinner: steamed veggies, baked potato (no butter or sour cream, usually a tiny bit of something for flavor), protein (chicken, ground beef, turkey...it varies). Lots of whatever we were having: spaghetti, burgers, all slathered in cheese, dressing, sour cream and whatever other condiments I could find.
snack: sunflower seeds M&Ms, brownies, chips, cookies...whatever junk we had.
I love THIS doctor...permission to be fat???
In my first entry, I tell the story about asking my general doctor if it was ok to be fat. A few days after that appointment, I was coincidentally taking one of the boys to see their pediatrician. I was telling him what I had asked my doctor.
He laughed and said You go tell you're doctor that you're not too fat. I said so! Tell her that because of your attitude and outlook toward life, that you will live an additional 20years...that means more to longevity than weight.
I could hardly believe my ears. An actual doctor (who I had known for years, because he was my pediatrician when I was a kid) telling me it's OK to be fat. I wanted to kiss him right then and there. He went on to say something else that I just must share:
You are not fat. You were just born at the wrong time. Throughout mankind up until very recently, someone like you was the epitome of beauty. Someone who was hearty and wealthy enough to eat. Someone who didn't have to do manual labor. Someone who was an icon of fertility, wealth, and health. 200 years in the future, there will be genetic engineering to alter your predisposition to being overweight. So, you're not fat...just born in the wrong century.
He laughed and said You go tell you're doctor that you're not too fat. I said so! Tell her that because of your attitude and outlook toward life, that you will live an additional 20years...that means more to longevity than weight.
I could hardly believe my ears. An actual doctor (who I had known for years, because he was my pediatrician when I was a kid) telling me it's OK to be fat. I wanted to kiss him right then and there. He went on to say something else that I just must share:
You are not fat. You were just born at the wrong time. Throughout mankind up until very recently, someone like you was the epitome of beauty. Someone who was hearty and wealthy enough to eat. Someone who didn't have to do manual labor. Someone who was an icon of fertility, wealth, and health. 200 years in the future, there will be genetic engineering to alter your predisposition to being overweight. So, you're not fat...just born in the wrong century.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Clothes and goals
Clothing and shopping for clothes. Even though I've been "big boned" for years and had to shop at Plus-sized stores for my clothing...it seems to have reached a new level. This is part of my motivation, as well.
Lane Bryant does not carry clothes large enough to fit me...at least not at my comfort level. I could probably get the items on, but they'd be tighter than I would like.
I basically have to get my clothes at Fashion Bug. They have a pretty good plus dept. I like my tops big and baggy, so I usually wear a size 30/32. Not all styles come in this size. Once in awhile, I can find tops at Walmart, which I like for my every-day "play" clothes. With kids, I'm bound to get messy, so I don't really want expensive clothes. Catherine's is another store that carries clothing in my size, but I think it has an older demographic. Some of my dressier clothes do come from there.
One of my early goals is to lose enough weight that I can buy clothes anywhere. In today's society, most regular department stores carry plus-sized clothing up to size 26/28. This is only one size below what I'm wearing now...so it's very attainable.
Actually, my reward for losing (and I haven't yet set the amount/size/etc) is going to be to purchase a pair of cute boots. It may sound crazy, but my calves are too fat to get into most boots....and I LOVE them.
Actually, my reward for losing (and I haven't yet set the amount/size/etc) is going to be to purchase a pair of cute boots. It may sound crazy, but my calves are too fat to get into most boots....and I LOVE them.
The feet! The feet! ugh...such problems!
This is a perfect example of how excess weight shows up EVERYWHERE...even the feet!
Summer of 2009....I start wearing super cute flip-flops. Boy, are they evil...like the devil himself in shoe form. Prior to this, I had worn crocs....yes, the ugly (but oh-so-comfy) plastic shoe. They are nice for my feet. Flip-flops are out to get me, I'm convinced.
Anyway...by Sept. 2009, my right foot had started to hurt. During the fall and winter, the pain got worse and worse. At some point in the spring, my left foot started hurting too. I saw my general doctor who said it was PF (plantar fasciitis) and to get orthodics (even if they were over-the-counter). I tried them, but never saw any relief. By Sept. 2010 (I avoided flip-flops summer 2010), I could barely walk. I finally gave in and saw the podiatrist. He confirmed it was PF and gave me a cortisone shot in my right foot, and the pain went away. At my follow-up appointment, I asked for the shot in my left foot. The pain went away. For a few weeks, I was pain free. I almost cried tears of joy.
I don't know what happened...but all of a sudden, my left foot started hurting again...but this time it was in a different spot. I stretched, and iced it and it just kept hurting. It was almost worse than when I had first gone to him. Well, I went back and he said it was an Achilles problem and cortisone shots were not recommended. He gave me some new stretches and told me to get the prescription orthodics.
After several weeks, I got them...and they hurt my feet (which I'm told is normal at first). I decided to get new New Balance shoes which were recommend by the podiatrist. I went to the New Balance store and had them measure my feet. I was told size 8 (for the last 10 years, I've consistently worn a size 9-9.5). The salesguy said I was getting longer shoes to accommodate my wide foot, but that I really only measure an 8. Well, I tried the 8EE, and they fit, but was rubbing on the side of my big toe. I tried on a million shoes and finally decided on the size 8EEEE (YES....quadruple E). I didn't even know they made shoes that wide. I probably could have gotten the 8.5EE and been ok...but the price was the same.
While I don't think my feet look fat....obviously they are. Admittedly, even if I was thin, I'd probably have wide feet. I naturally have a high arch and instep....but I think the excess weight added to my already wide foot causing me to get EEEE!
Summer of 2009....I start wearing super cute flip-flops. Boy, are they evil...like the devil himself in shoe form. Prior to this, I had worn crocs....yes, the ugly (but oh-so-comfy) plastic shoe. They are nice for my feet. Flip-flops are out to get me, I'm convinced.
Anyway...by Sept. 2009, my right foot had started to hurt. During the fall and winter, the pain got worse and worse. At some point in the spring, my left foot started hurting too. I saw my general doctor who said it was PF (plantar fasciitis) and to get orthodics (even if they were over-the-counter). I tried them, but never saw any relief. By Sept. 2010 (I avoided flip-flops summer 2010), I could barely walk. I finally gave in and saw the podiatrist. He confirmed it was PF and gave me a cortisone shot in my right foot, and the pain went away. At my follow-up appointment, I asked for the shot in my left foot. The pain went away. For a few weeks, I was pain free. I almost cried tears of joy.
I don't know what happened...but all of a sudden, my left foot started hurting again...but this time it was in a different spot. I stretched, and iced it and it just kept hurting. It was almost worse than when I had first gone to him. Well, I went back and he said it was an Achilles problem and cortisone shots were not recommended. He gave me some new stretches and told me to get the prescription orthodics.
After several weeks, I got them...and they hurt my feet (which I'm told is normal at first). I decided to get new New Balance shoes which were recommend by the podiatrist. I went to the New Balance store and had them measure my feet. I was told size 8 (for the last 10 years, I've consistently worn a size 9-9.5). The salesguy said I was getting longer shoes to accommodate my wide foot, but that I really only measure an 8. Well, I tried the 8EE, and they fit, but was rubbing on the side of my big toe. I tried on a million shoes and finally decided on the size 8EEEE (YES....quadruple E). I didn't even know they made shoes that wide. I probably could have gotten the 8.5EE and been ok...but the price was the same.
While I don't think my feet look fat....obviously they are. Admittedly, even if I was thin, I'd probably have wide feet. I naturally have a high arch and instep....but I think the excess weight added to my already wide foot causing me to get EEEE!
How many Logans?
After realizing that I weigh over 300lbs, I started to think about my younger son, Logan. Logan is 5 and weighs just about 50lbs. Logan is heavy. I don't like to carry him anywhere. He can sit on my lap, I can even lift him up and hug him....but I hardly ever pick him up and walk anywhere with him. He's just too heavy now. It's not easy.
Well, let's say that I carry 3 extra "Logans" on my body every day and everywhere I go (and that's already bumping me up to 150lbs to start with). That's a lot of Logans to carry around. I started to think that my laziness may be directly related to how many Logans I carry.
If I gave my perfectly healthy friend, who works out regularly....3 Logans (meaning 150lbs) in a sack and she had to do EVERYTHING while carrying that extra weight....how much do you think she'd feel inclined to do? Not much. And of course, in my case...it's not just a sack...but infiltrating all my tissues and organs. It almost makes me sick to think about it!
So, my weight loss steps are "Logans". My first goal is to get under that 300lb. mark. Then after that....I want to lose 1 "Logan" (of course, not the REAL one...he's here for another 13 years at least). When I reach that goal....my next goal is to lose another "Logan". At that point, I will be at 200lbs or under. That's a long way away at this point. I'll have to set new goals at that point. For now...it works for me.
Well, let's say that I carry 3 extra "Logans" on my body every day and everywhere I go (and that's already bumping me up to 150lbs to start with). That's a lot of Logans to carry around. I started to think that my laziness may be directly related to how many Logans I carry.
If I gave my perfectly healthy friend, who works out regularly....3 Logans (meaning 150lbs) in a sack and she had to do EVERYTHING while carrying that extra weight....how much do you think she'd feel inclined to do? Not much. And of course, in my case...it's not just a sack...but infiltrating all my tissues and organs. It almost makes me sick to think about it!
So, my weight loss steps are "Logans". My first goal is to get under that 300lb. mark. Then after that....I want to lose 1 "Logan" (of course, not the REAL one...he's here for another 13 years at least). When I reach that goal....my next goal is to lose another "Logan". At that point, I will be at 200lbs or under. That's a long way away at this point. I'll have to set new goals at that point. For now...it works for me.
Weight Loss Surgeries...have I thought about them?
Have I ever thought about weight loss surgery? Yes!
I'll admit it...a few hours under the knife...and boom...the fat just melts away. An acquaintance had the gastric bypass done in September and has already lost 50lbs. Results like that are tempting.
Back in 2004, we had decided to try to get pregnant again. Before I did, I wanted to consult with a high risk specialist due to my history with the PE (pulmonary embolisms). The first doctor I saw (who was amazingly AWFUL) mentioned gastric bypass. He said that if I were to get pregnant again, I would die (leaving my 2 year old son motherless). I weighed too much to risk getting pregnant..and it would be against his oath as a doctor to give ok to get pregnant, especially if it meant using fertility drugs to do so. He said that I shouldn't wait...get the surgery.
Well, I talked to my regular doctor about it a little. She gave me some info that I read through and I read about it online. I decided that it was absolutely not for me. My kids are too little, and I have a history of blood clots. I could not risk weight loss surgery that drastic at this point (especially since I had never seriously attempted to lose weight on my own).
Since then, the lap band system has grown in popularity. I think if I were to go through with some type of weight loss surgery..this would be a better option for me. However, at this point...I really want to see if I can be successful on my own. I think there are too many risks involved, and if I don't work my @ss off working my @ss off...then it wont last and wont mean as much to me.
One additional goal through my weight loss attempt is to be a role model for my kids. Not just about making healthy eating choices, but about overcoming your fears, overcoming personal challenges. My children are not overweight (as a matter of fact, my older son is underweight..and at age 8 is finally catching up to "normal")....he will probably never struggle with his weight. However, I think it's important for them to see that their parents have this personal challenge. They are old enough to realize that their parents are fat. I think it will be incredible for them to see us work very hard to accomplish something that is important to us. Hopefully, they can apply this to aspects in their life they struggle with. Maybe not now...but maybe as adults they can look back and say, "Hey...mom and dad did that, then I can do this!"
I'll admit it...a few hours under the knife...and boom...the fat just melts away. An acquaintance had the gastric bypass done in September and has already lost 50lbs. Results like that are tempting.
Back in 2004, we had decided to try to get pregnant again. Before I did, I wanted to consult with a high risk specialist due to my history with the PE (pulmonary embolisms). The first doctor I saw (who was amazingly AWFUL) mentioned gastric bypass. He said that if I were to get pregnant again, I would die (leaving my 2 year old son motherless). I weighed too much to risk getting pregnant..and it would be against his oath as a doctor to give ok to get pregnant, especially if it meant using fertility drugs to do so. He said that I shouldn't wait...get the surgery.
Well, I talked to my regular doctor about it a little. She gave me some info that I read through and I read about it online. I decided that it was absolutely not for me. My kids are too little, and I have a history of blood clots. I could not risk weight loss surgery that drastic at this point (especially since I had never seriously attempted to lose weight on my own).
Since then, the lap band system has grown in popularity. I think if I were to go through with some type of weight loss surgery..this would be a better option for me. However, at this point...I really want to see if I can be successful on my own. I think there are too many risks involved, and if I don't work my @ss off working my @ss off...then it wont last and wont mean as much to me.
One additional goal through my weight loss attempt is to be a role model for my kids. Not just about making healthy eating choices, but about overcoming your fears, overcoming personal challenges. My children are not overweight (as a matter of fact, my older son is underweight..and at age 8 is finally catching up to "normal")....he will probably never struggle with his weight. However, I think it's important for them to see that their parents have this personal challenge. They are old enough to realize that their parents are fat. I think it will be incredible for them to see us work very hard to accomplish something that is important to us. Hopefully, they can apply this to aspects in their life they struggle with. Maybe not now...but maybe as adults they can look back and say, "Hey...mom and dad did that, then I can do this!"
Weighing In
I don't own a scale. I know that seems strange, and I'm looking into getting a digital one designed for heavier people...but will probably wait until after Christmas due to a shortage of funds. At my doctor's appointment (the one who ordered all the tests) which was Nov. 18th I weighed 311lbs.
I used my parents scale (Dec. 8) and I was probably wearing slightly heavier clothing (every bit counts, right?)...I weighed about 308lbs. It's hard to really gauge how much I've lost since Nov. 18th since they are different scales. It's also hard to know because my parents' scale is not digital...and to lean over to read it, I have to bend (to see over the protruding belly)...which then makes the needle kinda wobble back and forth. That's about a lb. a week...which isn't bad considering one of those weeks was Thanksgiving...oh...and I'm not exercising (read the entry about it...I HATE it). Also, I have an appointment to see a regular endocrinologist Dec. 20th. I think I'll be put on some meds that will help the IR which will make it easier to lose weight. I've read that it is nearly impossible to lose weight with uncontrolled IR....not sure if it's true...but it sounds good to me. Hopefully, after I start on that...the weight will magically melt away.
I used my parents scale (Dec. 8) and I was probably wearing slightly heavier clothing (every bit counts, right?)...I weighed about 308lbs. It's hard to really gauge how much I've lost since Nov. 18th since they are different scales. It's also hard to know because my parents' scale is not digital...and to lean over to read it, I have to bend (to see over the protruding belly)...which then makes the needle kinda wobble back and forth. That's about a lb. a week...which isn't bad considering one of those weeks was Thanksgiving...oh...and I'm not exercising (read the entry about it...I HATE it). Also, I have an appointment to see a regular endocrinologist Dec. 20th. I think I'll be put on some meds that will help the IR which will make it easier to lose weight. I've read that it is nearly impossible to lose weight with uncontrolled IR....not sure if it's true...but it sounds good to me. Hopefully, after I start on that...the weight will magically melt away.
So how am I doing, you ask?
I found out that I failed my glucose test the Friday before Thanksgiving. We were leaving in 2 days to go to Colorado for the holiday. I knew my sis-in-law would make Puppy Chow (for those of you who don't know....it's not dog food...and if you're trying to diet...it SUCKS... For the rest of you....OMG! It's delicious and amazing and impossible to resist.), and there's the stuffing, gravy, and something that was a rice krispie treat and peanut butter, butterscotch, chocolate thing...and pumpkin pie (I swear that should be healthy...it's pumpkin!). Anyway....what was I to do?
Well, I had one very small slice of pumpkin pie (no whipped cream), and I had about 1/4 c. Puppy Chow (twice) during the whole week we were there. Oh yeah, I'll fess up....I ate the stuffing to my hearts content (sort of a good-bye fling type thing).
Then we come home. I had previously gotten into the habit of McDonald's before work. I work late on Tuesdays, so I eat a larger lunch to get me through until I get home at 8pm for dinner. That larger lunch consisted of (and I can't believe I'm going to admit this) a McChicken Sandwhich (on occasion, two) with two apple pies (hard to resist 2/$1). Oh...and a large diet coke (for a buck!). I can't even say that the chicken sandwiches are all that good...but it became a habit. I started to look forward to it. Well, I really struggled that first Tuesday back (my first day back to work after a long break, other stuff going on that caused stress in my life....it would make me happy). I SOOOO wanted to go there and just put off being good another day (what's another day, right?). Well, I am proud to say...I resisted. I haven't had McDonald's since I found out my test results. Other than that bit of Puppy Chow and pumpkin pie (oh..and a small slice of tiramisu cake at a birthday party)...I have had 0 (yes, you read it correctly...zero) desserts/refined sugar (I'm not counting sugar in fruit and stuff like that). Now...that may not sound like an accomplishment for some...but for me.....it is.
I can honestly say...that the longer I resist the bad stuff...the easier is seems to be. Here are the things I've resisted:
taking leftovers of the tiramisu cake (there was a ton, and I really really really wanted it)
tons of puppy chow that I could have eaten
caramel apple pie that my dad bought
donuts that he bought too (thanks dad for the support)
all the St. Nick's day candy that my kids got (thanks St. Nick for the support)
numerous trips to fast food of all sorts (did get Wendy's once, but got the Baja salad with no guac, no sour cream and used very little dressing. Gave the chips to my kids).
I can certainly say that I'm not perfect...but I'm really trying (and at the moment, decently successful) to make healthier choices. I'm trying to eliminate dessert and refined sugar from my diet, eat smaller portions, and just make overall better choices....less carbs (by no means and I willing to give them up completely) and when I do, "better" carbs. More whole grains.
I have found...that certain foods are sweeter than you think. Because I haven't eaten lots of sweet things recently...I've found that bananas are amazingly sweet. I was home alone and saw some tiny chocolate santas and thought, I could eat just one and it wouldn't be a big deal...however, I thought about how it was time for my mid-morning snack and I had some good bananas in the kitchen. I jumped up excitedly and got one. I was actually happy to be eating it (and for those of you who know me...I used to hate bananas).
So, it hasn't been that long....but I still feel motivated.
Well, I had one very small slice of pumpkin pie (no whipped cream), and I had about 1/4 c. Puppy Chow (twice) during the whole week we were there. Oh yeah, I'll fess up....I ate the stuffing to my hearts content (sort of a good-bye fling type thing).
Then we come home. I had previously gotten into the habit of McDonald's before work. I work late on Tuesdays, so I eat a larger lunch to get me through until I get home at 8pm for dinner. That larger lunch consisted of (and I can't believe I'm going to admit this) a McChicken Sandwhich (on occasion, two) with two apple pies (hard to resist 2/$1). Oh...and a large diet coke (for a buck!). I can't even say that the chicken sandwiches are all that good...but it became a habit. I started to look forward to it. Well, I really struggled that first Tuesday back (my first day back to work after a long break, other stuff going on that caused stress in my life....it would make me happy). I SOOOO wanted to go there and just put off being good another day (what's another day, right?). Well, I am proud to say...I resisted. I haven't had McDonald's since I found out my test results. Other than that bit of Puppy Chow and pumpkin pie (oh..and a small slice of tiramisu cake at a birthday party)...I have had 0 (yes, you read it correctly...zero) desserts/refined sugar (I'm not counting sugar in fruit and stuff like that). Now...that may not sound like an accomplishment for some...but for me.....it is.
I can honestly say...that the longer I resist the bad stuff...the easier is seems to be. Here are the things I've resisted:
taking leftovers of the tiramisu cake (there was a ton, and I really really really wanted it)
tons of puppy chow that I could have eaten
caramel apple pie that my dad bought
donuts that he bought too (thanks dad for the support)
all the St. Nick's day candy that my kids got (thanks St. Nick for the support)
numerous trips to fast food of all sorts (did get Wendy's once, but got the Baja salad with no guac, no sour cream and used very little dressing. Gave the chips to my kids).
I can certainly say that I'm not perfect...but I'm really trying (and at the moment, decently successful) to make healthier choices. I'm trying to eliminate dessert and refined sugar from my diet, eat smaller portions, and just make overall better choices....less carbs (by no means and I willing to give them up completely) and when I do, "better" carbs. More whole grains.
I have found...that certain foods are sweeter than you think. Because I haven't eaten lots of sweet things recently...I've found that bananas are amazingly sweet. I was home alone and saw some tiny chocolate santas and thought, I could eat just one and it wouldn't be a big deal...however, I thought about how it was time for my mid-morning snack and I had some good bananas in the kitchen. I jumped up excitedly and got one. I was actually happy to be eating it (and for those of you who know me...I used to hate bananas).
So, it hasn't been that long....but I still feel motivated.
Activity, Exercise, and all that Yuk!
So let's talk exercise (and I mean, me rattling on and on about it...not as in a conversation, of course).
I HATE it. Seriously folks...like the ultimate "dislike". People always say well find an activity you do like. How about walking? Anyone who knows me knows...I hate walking! I know it sounds nuts, because no one hates walking...but I really do. Also, anyone who knows me knows...I hate almost all activities. You name it..and I don't like it.
I'm a hard worker. I'm pretty smart, and I can do a lot. I'm great at multitasking, leadership, communication (sounds like a resume, right). I get things done. But...I HATE moving, walking, standing, jumping, running. About the only physical activity I like is moving my foot just enough to keep rocking in my chair (right, Trev?). Or....all the calories I'm burning while my fat (and short) little fingers pound away on this keyboard. I can handle that too, I guess.
I know it's taboo to admit that you're lazy....but it really is the God's honest truth. I am lazy (physically). A neighbor likes to tease me that I don't work (which I do...I work a whole 12-15 hours a week). I told him that I work hard and efficiently so I don't have to work often. However, when it comes to exercise...I don't do it enough and not hard enough when I do (which is so rare, to be non-existent).
The one activity that I like is water. I can "hear" it already water areobics....just walking in water....swimming is so great because it's low impact.... *rolls eyes* (I just noticed there are no emoticons on here). I don't think those people read very carefully....I like water. I like being in water. I like treading water, splashing around...but mostly...floating in water (like on a raft). I've tried water aerobics (once, I think). It was ok. I didn't DESPISE it like other exercise....but it's expensive. I've decided that if I had enough money as Oprah...I'd be thin too (probably not, but since I will never have money like Oprah, it's ok to say that, right?). If I had my own personal indoor, heated pool...I'd be in the water daily.
OK...so there it is....I despise (what's worse than despise.... because that's really the word I should be using here) exercise.
I HATE it. Seriously folks...like the ultimate "dislike". People always say well find an activity you do like. How about walking? Anyone who knows me knows...I hate walking! I know it sounds nuts, because no one hates walking...but I really do. Also, anyone who knows me knows...I hate almost all activities. You name it..and I don't like it.
I'm a hard worker. I'm pretty smart, and I can do a lot. I'm great at multitasking, leadership, communication (sounds like a resume, right). I get things done. But...I HATE moving, walking, standing, jumping, running. About the only physical activity I like is moving my foot just enough to keep rocking in my chair (right, Trev?). Or....all the calories I'm burning while my fat (and short) little fingers pound away on this keyboard. I can handle that too, I guess.
I know it's taboo to admit that you're lazy....but it really is the God's honest truth. I am lazy (physically). A neighbor likes to tease me that I don't work (which I do...I work a whole 12-15 hours a week). I told him that I work hard and efficiently so I don't have to work often. However, when it comes to exercise...I don't do it enough and not hard enough when I do (which is so rare, to be non-existent).
The one activity that I like is water. I can "hear" it already water areobics....just walking in water....swimming is so great because it's low impact.... *rolls eyes* (I just noticed there are no emoticons on here). I don't think those people read very carefully....I like water. I like being in water. I like treading water, splashing around...but mostly...floating in water (like on a raft). I've tried water aerobics (once, I think). It was ok. I didn't DESPISE it like other exercise....but it's expensive. I've decided that if I had enough money as Oprah...I'd be thin too (probably not, but since I will never have money like Oprah, it's ok to say that, right?). If I had my own personal indoor, heated pool...I'd be in the water daily.
OK...so there it is....I despise (what's worse than despise.... because that's really the word I should be using here) exercise.
So why now? (Yes, yes...the DARE). Here's the deets on that!
Well, there's a terribly long (and boring) history about me. Let's see if I can sum it up:
Previously (2004) diagnosed with PCOS (it's a metabolic syndrome that affects hormones and can cause infertility and a whole slew of other problems). At that time was told I was IR (insulin resistance). PCOS and IR are considered pre-diabetic conditions. This basically means that it is inevitable that I will get type II diabetes unless I change my weight. (so, yes...you did read that correctly...for 6 years, I have KNOWN that I will become diabetic and didn't do anything to alter that). The treatment for PCOS is metformin (which is a drug given to IR and diabetics to help with glucose levels). Well, it worked a little...but not enough. It made me feel yucky (read about metformin online...it's evil, I'm convinced). I later found out that cells can actually build up resistance to metformin (not sure if this is correct, but my regular doctor told me this).
For the last several years, I have put my head in the sand about PCOS, IR, diabetes and just didn't care. No treatment...nothing. Well, for reasons that I won't go into here....I went to a doctor whose expertise is PCOS. I thought that it was about time I try working on this problem. Well, she wanted me to have a bunch of blood tests. She said she wasn't sure if I really had PCOS (blah, blah, blah)....anyway...this dr. visit resulted in a complete metabolic panel of blood tests, a 2 hour glucose tolerance test, a1c, and some other stuff.
This doctor went on her bandwagon about weight loss. I had been lucky enough in the past to have doctors sort-of just let it go. They'd have the attitude like, "Well, it would be healthier for you to lose weight, but not necessary". I wanted to get pregnant, and they just gave me meds to get me pregnant. I had foot pain, and the doc gave me a cortisone shot. I ignored borderline high blood pressure. However, this doc....she was different.
I'm not sure I remember all of what she said to me....but she seemed to get me. This was the first time I had ever met her...and yet...she had me all figured out. The gist of what she said went like this:
I can tell...you're a go-getter. You've probably never failed at anything you've ever done. Why let this be the first?
There is was....the DARE! She was daring me. For the first time, I felt somewhat motivated. I thought, well...she's right. I tend to be successful at most things I do (sports are a big exception to this). I wonder what results I'd have if I actually TRIED!
Well, I ended up going for the blood tests a few days later, and she called me within a couple hours with some bad news. I had failed my glucose tolerance test. I knew I wasn't going to have great results, because I already knew I was IR...but she said that I failed it to the point of putting me in the diabetic range (I later found out...I missed IR by 4 points). Well....there it was.....the seeds of motivation got a huge douse of fertilization.
As a side note...an interesting thing the dr. said to me when she called with the fertilization. She chuckled and said, "You went from the most non-compliant patient ever, to having everything done in record time". I'm not sure what I said during the visit that made her think I was non-compliant (probably a lot of things), but when I was retelling this story to Trev, he laughed and said..."well she doesn't know you. It's always black or white." I don't like to window shop, I HATE looking at cars (unless I'm ready to buy one that day), I may take awhile to make up my mind about doing something...but once the decision is made....it's DONE! Action occurs immediately! lol! As another side note, in regards to things like this..yes...I am black or white. But in philosophical debates, politics, religion, and almost anything else....I'm the opposite. Everything is gray.
Previously (2004) diagnosed with PCOS (it's a metabolic syndrome that affects hormones and can cause infertility and a whole slew of other problems). At that time was told I was IR (insulin resistance). PCOS and IR are considered pre-diabetic conditions. This basically means that it is inevitable that I will get type II diabetes unless I change my weight. (so, yes...you did read that correctly...for 6 years, I have KNOWN that I will become diabetic and didn't do anything to alter that). The treatment for PCOS is metformin (which is a drug given to IR and diabetics to help with glucose levels). Well, it worked a little...but not enough. It made me feel yucky (read about metformin online...it's evil, I'm convinced). I later found out that cells can actually build up resistance to metformin (not sure if this is correct, but my regular doctor told me this).
For the last several years, I have put my head in the sand about PCOS, IR, diabetes and just didn't care. No treatment...nothing. Well, for reasons that I won't go into here....I went to a doctor whose expertise is PCOS. I thought that it was about time I try working on this problem. Well, she wanted me to have a bunch of blood tests. She said she wasn't sure if I really had PCOS (blah, blah, blah)....anyway...this dr. visit resulted in a complete metabolic panel of blood tests, a 2 hour glucose tolerance test, a1c, and some other stuff.
This doctor went on her bandwagon about weight loss. I had been lucky enough in the past to have doctors sort-of just let it go. They'd have the attitude like, "Well, it would be healthier for you to lose weight, but not necessary". I wanted to get pregnant, and they just gave me meds to get me pregnant. I had foot pain, and the doc gave me a cortisone shot. I ignored borderline high blood pressure. However, this doc....she was different.
I'm not sure I remember all of what she said to me....but she seemed to get me. This was the first time I had ever met her...and yet...she had me all figured out. The gist of what she said went like this:
I can tell...you're a go-getter. You've probably never failed at anything you've ever done. Why let this be the first?
There is was....the DARE! She was daring me. For the first time, I felt somewhat motivated. I thought, well...she's right. I tend to be successful at most things I do (sports are a big exception to this). I wonder what results I'd have if I actually TRIED!
Well, I ended up going for the blood tests a few days later, and she called me within a couple hours with some bad news. I had failed my glucose tolerance test. I knew I wasn't going to have great results, because I already knew I was IR...but she said that I failed it to the point of putting me in the diabetic range (I later found out...I missed IR by 4 points). Well....there it was.....the seeds of motivation got a huge douse of fertilization.
As a side note...an interesting thing the dr. said to me when she called with the fertilization. She chuckled and said, "You went from the most non-compliant patient ever, to having everything done in record time". I'm not sure what I said during the visit that made her think I was non-compliant (probably a lot of things), but when I was retelling this story to Trev, he laughed and said..."well she doesn't know you. It's always black or white." I don't like to window shop, I HATE looking at cars (unless I'm ready to buy one that day), I may take awhile to make up my mind about doing something...but once the decision is made....it's DONE! Action occurs immediately! lol! As another side note, in regards to things like this..yes...I am black or white. But in philosophical debates, politics, religion, and almost anything else....I'm the opposite. Everything is gray.
The psychology of eating....ok, ok, ok....overeating!
Why, you ask....do I LOVE eating? (Yes, I realize that no one has actually asked that in this blog...just go with it, k?)
Because it tastes so good! It gives me something to do! and I have a problem! Seriously folks....it's an issue. I should be the local spokesperson for OA....you know...the spokesperson for who needs to go to those meetings.
Let me see if I can make a list of all the times I like to eat: When I'm:
happy
sad (seriously...it makes me happy.....somewhere someone can psychoanalyze me to death, I'm sure)
bored
watching tv
socializing
stressed
hungry
just want something in particular (donuts)
There's more to it than that (and for a moment, I am actually going to be serious). Let me tell you a story:
Once upon a time, there was a new mother. She had tried and tried for months to get pregnant and had successfully given birth to a little boy. He was several weeks (abt. 6) early, and healthy. Even the doctors and nurses could hardly believe he was so healthy. This new mommy brought her bundle of joy home from the hospital and everything was merry....for a few days.
Several days go by and grandma and mommy are shopping for all the lovely little blue booties, rattles, bottles, and coats. All of a sudden, the mommy develops some pretty serious back pain. She can hardly even make it into the car to drive home. Later that evening, her amazing husband had made fried chicken (a favorite) and the mommy couldn't even eat it because of the severe pain shooting through her back. The daddy looks at the mommy and says, "What's wrong with you? Why are you breathing like that? [panting like a dog]. Mommy says she doesn't feel well and is going to go downstairs to take a shower. The pain is so excruciating, she decides to skip the shower and just lay down. As she lays down, the pain gets even worse....so bad, that the mommy curls up in the fetal position and braces her hand against the wall to take a quick breath. She stayed there a few minutes, begging God to let her stop needing to breathe because it hurt too bad to inhale. Somehow (God's hand, I'm SURE)...she has enough air to call for daddy. and somehow (again, God's intervention...certainly)....the daddy hears (even though he was dozing with the newborn and watching tv). The ambulance comes and after some tests and lots of drama that isn't important now....the mommy is told she has pulmonary embolisms [blood clots in her lungs]. She is very lucky because one of those clots could have killed her. However, in this case...the mommy got better and got to eventually go home to raise her son.
Well, if you haven't guessed...that "mommy" was me. Now, you're maybe wondering what that has to do with this blog entry and eating (yes, yes...I remember...overeating). Well, simplified: my overall outlook toward life! I think because I looked death in the face and survived at such a young age (25)....I really believe that "you only live once, so you might as well enjoy it". So, if you relate that to eating, weight loss, dieting, and exercise....I did exactly that. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted because it made me happy and I enjoyed it. I didn't exercise or diet because that didn't make me happy.
I have found that overcoming my mentality toward life is the biggest struggle for me. I still believe the same thing. I would probably say that that statement is my life's motto. So, how can I stay true to that belief and have integrity in what I believe and yet...in regards to my weight...I have to do the exact opposite? I'm still not sure I know...but so far, so good. I have to sort of modify my motto: You only live once, so you might as well enjoy it....as long as you're doing what you can to extend that life because if you die and leave your kids mother-less...then you are infringing on their right to enjoy life.
I maybe shouldn't admit this, because I'm not really sure (and it goes against all "experts" who say you "have to do it for yourself"): But I think if it were not for my kids....I would not be attempting to be healthier. Because without them....I wouldn't have the addendum to my motto.
Anyway...thanks for reading (I know it's long, Trev....I wasn't a history major...I never learned to write concise).
Because it tastes so good! It gives me something to do! and I have a problem! Seriously folks....it's an issue. I should be the local spokesperson for OA....you know...the spokesperson for who needs to go to those meetings.
Let me see if I can make a list of all the times I like to eat: When I'm:
happy
sad (seriously...it makes me happy.....somewhere someone can psychoanalyze me to death, I'm sure)
bored
watching tv
socializing
stressed
hungry
just want something in particular (donuts)
There's more to it than that (and for a moment, I am actually going to be serious). Let me tell you a story:
Once upon a time, there was a new mother. She had tried and tried for months to get pregnant and had successfully given birth to a little boy. He was several weeks (abt. 6) early, and healthy. Even the doctors and nurses could hardly believe he was so healthy. This new mommy brought her bundle of joy home from the hospital and everything was merry....for a few days.
Several days go by and grandma and mommy are shopping for all the lovely little blue booties, rattles, bottles, and coats. All of a sudden, the mommy develops some pretty serious back pain. She can hardly even make it into the car to drive home. Later that evening, her amazing husband had made fried chicken (a favorite) and the mommy couldn't even eat it because of the severe pain shooting through her back. The daddy looks at the mommy and says, "What's wrong with you? Why are you breathing like that? [panting like a dog]. Mommy says she doesn't feel well and is going to go downstairs to take a shower. The pain is so excruciating, she decides to skip the shower and just lay down. As she lays down, the pain gets even worse....so bad, that the mommy curls up in the fetal position and braces her hand against the wall to take a quick breath. She stayed there a few minutes, begging God to let her stop needing to breathe because it hurt too bad to inhale. Somehow (God's hand, I'm SURE)...she has enough air to call for daddy. and somehow (again, God's intervention...certainly)....the daddy hears (even though he was dozing with the newborn and watching tv). The ambulance comes and after some tests and lots of drama that isn't important now....the mommy is told she has pulmonary embolisms [blood clots in her lungs]. She is very lucky because one of those clots could have killed her. However, in this case...the mommy got better and got to eventually go home to raise her son.
Well, if you haven't guessed...that "mommy" was me. Now, you're maybe wondering what that has to do with this blog entry and eating (yes, yes...I remember...overeating). Well, simplified: my overall outlook toward life! I think because I looked death in the face and survived at such a young age (25)....I really believe that "you only live once, so you might as well enjoy it". So, if you relate that to eating, weight loss, dieting, and exercise....I did exactly that. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted because it made me happy and I enjoyed it. I didn't exercise or diet because that didn't make me happy.
I have found that overcoming my mentality toward life is the biggest struggle for me. I still believe the same thing. I would probably say that that statement is my life's motto. So, how can I stay true to that belief and have integrity in what I believe and yet...in regards to my weight...I have to do the exact opposite? I'm still not sure I know...but so far, so good. I have to sort of modify my motto: You only live once, so you might as well enjoy it....as long as you're doing what you can to extend that life because if you die and leave your kids mother-less...then you are infringing on their right to enjoy life.
I maybe shouldn't admit this, because I'm not really sure (and it goes against all "experts" who say you "have to do it for yourself"): But I think if it were not for my kids....I would not be attempting to be healthier. Because without them....I wouldn't have the addendum to my motto.
Anyway...thanks for reading (I know it's long, Trev....I wasn't a history major...I never learned to write concise).
The story of the walruses (Kelli...this one's for you)!
A friend of mine (let's say her name is Kelli) and I had taken the kids to the local zoo for an outing. We approach the walruses who, on this day, happen to be laying next to each other on the "shore". As I'm standing there gazing upon rolls and rolls of pinky flesh....I have one simple thought (that I shared with Kelli):
I bet that's what Trevin and I look like laying in bed together
I bet that's what Trevin and I look like laying in bed together
Introduction
This is my first attempt at a blog. I don't really know why I want to write one. I think it's theraputic. At this point...it's really just for me (unless you're reading it).
So, who am I? (nothing philosophical here, just an intro)
I am 33 and fat! I'm not one to mince words....there it is...morbidly obese....cow-sized, if you will. My whole family is fat: Mom, Dad, and Brother. I even married a fat man. The only saving grace is my children. They are not fat. I remember a time we all went somewhere together. My brother, John told a woman who was about to get into an elevator (weight limit 3000lbs) that she might want to wait for the next one, because we had probably maxed out the limit. I guess he and I have something in common....humor.
I'm fat and always have been. (Well, when I look at pics of when I was a kid or teenager I wasn't THAT fat...but certainly "bigger boned" than any of the other twigs I went to school with). The strange thing is...that I haven't really cared. I never had a problem with boyfriends, making friends, or being happy. I was the life of the party! With the exception of shopping...I didn't mind being obese (man, do I HATE that word).
About a year ago, I was seeing my general practitioner for something unrelated...and of course...weight loss quickly became a topic. I looked her straight in the face and said, "Is there anything wrong with being 300lbs and honestly not caring one hoot about it?" I think I had stumped her on that one.
So...why? Why let myself get this way? It's not like I weighed 220, 250, and 270lbs and didn't realize this was a terrible idea. So, how'd it happen? Well, I don't really know! I can sum it up with 2 things: 1. I'm lazy and hate moving and 2. I love (I mean, LOVE) to eat. I mean...who doesn't, right? (at this point, I'm tempted to get into the psychology behind this, but I'll save that for another entry).
So...what's going on now that causes me to start a blog, you ask???? (Look at the title....can you guess I'm starting to eat healthier) Well, many things....but I think right now, what's motivating me...boils down to a dare. Yes, 33 years of sugar, junk food, and CARBS suddenly cease (mostly) to exist in my life due to a stupid child-like DARE! (I'll get to the details in a later entry).
Time for some brutal honesty (it's scary):
Current height 5'6" Current weight: 311lbs Current BMI: I don't think the chart goes that far. abt. 50ish
With the exception of my height...I haven't shared these numbers with too many people. My all time high (that I know of) was 317 (that was in the fall of 2004, I think).
I guess I'll stop here for now...and put all the rest of my ideas, thoughts, and stories in separate entries. If you've made it this far....you really have too much time on your hands! Thanks for reading!
So, who am I? (nothing philosophical here, just an intro)
I am 33 and fat! I'm not one to mince words....there it is...morbidly obese....cow-sized, if you will. My whole family is fat: Mom, Dad, and Brother. I even married a fat man. The only saving grace is my children. They are not fat. I remember a time we all went somewhere together. My brother, John told a woman who was about to get into an elevator (weight limit 3000lbs) that she might want to wait for the next one, because we had probably maxed out the limit. I guess he and I have something in common....humor.
I'm fat and always have been. (Well, when I look at pics of when I was a kid or teenager I wasn't THAT fat...but certainly "bigger boned" than any of the other twigs I went to school with). The strange thing is...that I haven't really cared. I never had a problem with boyfriends, making friends, or being happy. I was the life of the party! With the exception of shopping...I didn't mind being obese (man, do I HATE that word).
About a year ago, I was seeing my general practitioner for something unrelated...and of course...weight loss quickly became a topic. I looked her straight in the face and said, "Is there anything wrong with being 300lbs and honestly not caring one hoot about it?" I think I had stumped her on that one.
So...why? Why let myself get this way? It's not like I weighed 220, 250, and 270lbs and didn't realize this was a terrible idea. So, how'd it happen? Well, I don't really know! I can sum it up with 2 things: 1. I'm lazy and hate moving and 2. I love (I mean, LOVE) to eat. I mean...who doesn't, right? (at this point, I'm tempted to get into the psychology behind this, but I'll save that for another entry).
So...what's going on now that causes me to start a blog, you ask???? (Look at the title....can you guess I'm starting to eat healthier) Well, many things....but I think right now, what's motivating me...boils down to a dare. Yes, 33 years of sugar, junk food, and CARBS suddenly cease (mostly) to exist in my life due to a stupid child-like DARE! (I'll get to the details in a later entry).
Time for some brutal honesty (it's scary):
Current height 5'6" Current weight: 311lbs Current BMI: I don't think the chart goes that far. abt. 50ish
With the exception of my height...I haven't shared these numbers with too many people. My all time high (that I know of) was 317 (that was in the fall of 2004, I think).
I guess I'll stop here for now...and put all the rest of my ideas, thoughts, and stories in separate entries. If you've made it this far....you really have too much time on your hands! Thanks for reading!
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